Death by Negligence
by Arty Diane
Summary: John is heart broken and sings a derge, Sherlock is suportive and Mycroft is confused. A bit of sillyness resulting from insomnia! Now a multi chapter fic where I write song parodies. Name of story is the first chapter's title. It's Lestrade's turn to sing!
1. Death by Negligence

**This silly fic struck me late at night. The original song is "Poor thing" from the movie "Sweeney Todd" Read and review!**

**I don't own BBC Sherlock (unfortunately) or Sweeny Todd (fortunately!)**

* * *

Mycroft walked up the steps of 221 B. He heard Sherlock and John talking to each other from behind the flat's closed door, when suddenly the volume of the conversation increased.

"Noooooooooo!"

"Calm down John!"

"I can't! I can't believe this!"

"It's alright; there is no need to over-react."

"I'm a horrible person, Harry trusted me with it."

"You are not a horrible person, John. This could have happened to anyone."

"No Sherlock, it's dead, and it's all my fault."

"There is no need to panic John!"

"This qualifies as death by negligence, there is every reason to panic!"

"Calm down, take deep breaths."

"I killed it, I'm a murderer!"

"It wasn't a human."

"I'll plead for non-man-slaughter then."

Mycroft burst into the room "Who's dead?"

"My mobile phone!" John wailed.

Mycroft raised an eyebrow "Pardon?"

Sherlock patted John's shoulder "The battery of his mobile phone ran out."

"Why don't you plug it in then?" Mycroft was confused.

John clutched the lightless phone to his chest in an exaggerated manner. Sherlock continued to pat him. "It's Okay, let it all out, it'll make you feel better."

"Can I commemorate it by a song?"

"Really John, there is no need…"

"You can leave if you want Mycroft." Sherlock told him airily.

"Actually I'm here for-"

Just then John began to sing :

_There was a mobile phone and its charger_

_And it was useful_

_It was handed down to a brother_

_To keep him to the sister tether _

_And it was useful_

(Spoken) John: Nokia, N97 was its make

Sherlock: What was its cause of death?

John: Overuse

_The brother used this phone you see_

_Handy little thing_

_Lent 'round a bit_

_Had great reception and never missed a ping_

_Poor thing_

_Poor thing _

_It had great reception_

_Poor thing_

_Poor thing_

_Great for making a clear connection_

_I blame myself for its misfortune_

_So I sing this dirge although out of tune._

_Poor thing_

_Poor thing_

Mycroft was exasperated "O please John, this is really too much"

_Mycroft has to endure me sing_

_Poor thing_

_Poor thing_

_When the rhyme bug decides to sting_

_You either join in or leave the floor_

_And on your way out do shut the door!_

_Poor thing_

_Poor thing_

Mycroft was out of the door before John had finished the last refrain.

_Mycroft was no match for my rhyme, y'see,_

_And I don't think my way was too cruel._

_Mission accomplished in record time, y'see,_

_Worked better than wails and mime, y'see!_

_Poor soul!_

_Poor thing!_

"That was brilliant John! If I knew singing a parody of a song would get rid of him, I would have taken up the practice much sooner."

"Great! What musical number are we going to watch next?"


	2. Lestrade's turn

**I don't know what got into me, this song became stuck in my head and refused to leave until I used it!**

**I don't own the characters of BBC Sherlock, I just make them sing parodies of random movie songs to annoy Mycroft! ;)**

* * *

**Lestrade's turn:**

Greg Lestrade was not happy. He was yet again kidnapped by Sherlock's creepy brother Mycroft. He was planning to go straight home after his shift had ended, have a hot shower, drink a cup of tea and go to bed early. But _no_, Sherlock's brother dearest had other plans for him apparently. He took a look around the abandoned-looking office.

"So nice of you to join me Detective inspector. Do take a seat." Mycroft seemed to appear out of nowhere. This should have startled Lestrade, but he was used to the antics of the Holmes brothers.

"Why thank you, don't mind if I do." He sat on the offered chair. He was exhausted.

Mycroft did not take the seat he was standing in front of; instead he leaned on his umbrella and surveyed the DI. "You seem to have had a long day." He said casually.

What was that phrase John had used for Mycroft? Oh yes, 'Power Complex', Mycroft remained standing in order to exert psychological power over their little _friendly chat_. Ha! More like interrogation!

"Oh, you have no idea! It was a really grueling case, but I'm glad it was solved and everyone is still in one piece." By which Greg meant: _I did my job, your brother is okay, so let me go home!_

"Yes, another case coming to a successful conclusion."

_Oh God_, Greg thought, _this is going to go on for quite a while unless I do something_. What was it that John did to get rid of Mycroft the last time he had _visited_ 221B?

"Yes, we found the kidnapper in record time and rescued the children, thanks to Sherlock's deductions." Lestrade replied, suppressing his agitation. Those kids were the same age as his own children. He was going to spend the day with them tomorrow; he had planned to take them to the movies to see that new animation, what's-it's-name. It's supposed to be full of songs and- Aha! Got it!

"So, how do you and your team get along with Sherlock and Dr. Watson? There isn't too much friction I hope?"

"Oh no, they can handle the team alright. And as for me and those two, well, let me clarify it for you a bit,"

Greg cleared his throat and began to sing:

We're three detectives

Three sly detectives

They say we're so unlike each other

Yet we've the same foes

Where ever Sherlock goes

The one, two, and three goes

We'll chase'em together

We're three happy chappies

Who arrest killer cabbies

You'll find us at our best with the bombers

We're brave and we'll stay so

We'll get a certain psycho

-Mycroft: Who says so?

-Greg: We say so!

The three detectives

Ahhhh!

We have Sherlock to guide us

Scotland Yard beside us

To take criminals in tow

Those two go off alone

I scold theme in stern tone!

And after't tea and scone?

Oh yes, you should know

Baddie on roof or in sewer

We chase them together

Don't care if it's giant or elf

If one's in corner tied

The others aren't far behind

To rescue their mate's hind

No man is for himself!

After Lestrade had finished his song, he realized he was standing. Ha! He must have gotten carried away in the "Ahhhhh!" part. He looked up to see Mycroft's face. His right eyebrow was raised and he was looking at Greg Lestrade in bewilderment.

_Oh well_, thought Greg to himself, _at least I had a bit of fun!_

"Thank you Detective Inspector, that was quite…enlightening."

"Oh, alright then. Can I go now?"

"Unless you'd care to disclose your opinion of John and Sherlock's relationship?"

_Tale as old as time_…

_No, I still have to work with those two; I plan to live to see tomorrow._ Greg knew that between John's medical skills and Sherlock's bizarre information and contacts, they'd be able to make his murder look like an accident, maybe death by negligence if the DI in charge of the case was really, _really_ stubborn.

_Besides_, Greg mused_, that song is for Mrs. Hudson to sing. I wouldn't want to deprive a lovely old lady from her amusement now would I?_

"Nope, I'm good! I know the way out, bye!"

* * *

**The song Greg thinks of at the end is "Tale as Old as Time" from Disney's ****_Beauty and the Beast_****. The song he parodys is from Disney's ****_Three Caballeros_**** (1944). There's a stanza in Spanish at the end. Since I don't know any Spanish I skipped using it or copying it here.**

We're three caballeros

Three gay caballeros

They say we are birds of a feather

We're happy amigos

No matter where he goes

The one, two, and three goes

We're always together

We're three happy chappies

With snappy serapes

You'll find us beneath our sombreros

We're brave and we'll stay so

We're bright as a peso

Who says so? We say so!

The three caballeros

Ahhhh!

We have the stars to guide us

Guitars here beside us

To play as we go

We sing and we samba

We shout 'aye caramba!

What means aya caramba?

Oh yes, I don't know

Through fair or stormy weather

We stand close together

Like books on the shelf

And pals though we may be

When some latin baby

Says yes, no, or maybe

Each man is for himself!


End file.
